Out of control

Out of control

“Yeah. I can beat that price. *beep* Let me see if I’ve got availability and I’ll get right back to you.”

“This is Wendy.” I answered as now my other line beeped in.

That’s how my whole morning went. Call after call after impatient call. No sooner would I be on the line with one person than another would be calling in.

I didn’t have time to breathe. I was fending off calls so quickly that I couldn’t even get a call into operations. Finally both lines were mercifully silent and I frantically started working up bids.

Rrrrrrrrrring! Ack.

“This is Wendy.”

“Cupcake!! There’s a FABULOUS sale at the Mall of America and you need to…”

“Jade. Hey. I can’t talk. Work is insane today.”

“But that has nothing to do with me and did you hear what I said? A sale! *beep* You need to see me anyways *beep* because I haven’t waxed your brows recently and…”

“I’m hanging up on you now.”

“This is Wendy.”

“I need another bid on a partial to Smithfield, UT.”

“Sure thing Sam. *beep* I’ll work it up and get back to you ASAP.”

“This is Wendy.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t hang up on me Bert. Now. About that sale.”

“Bert? Why are you calling me Bert?”

“Because I haven’t waxed your brows in nearly 6 weeks and you must be looking very Sesame Street by now sugar. So we’ll take care of that before a lovely little lunch followed by a good shopping spree. I have Michael’s credit card.”

“Look, I don’t have time to think let alone eat or shop and do you NOT remember how pissed Michael was the last time we took the card?” I reminded him as my line beeped again. “Hanging up.”

“This is Wendy.”

“Wendy this is Michael. Jade’s line is busy and I just noticed I didn’t grab my American Express off the table before flying to New York this morning. Is he on the line with you?”

I bit my lip. The American Express? There’s like, no limit on those things…*beep* “Michael I have another call gotta go.”

“This is Wendy.”

“I’m not feeling the love Bert.”

“Ok stop calling me that. Michael just called. He said you took the American Express.”

“Lies! I didn’t take it I found it just sitting there on the table. Clearly he wanted me to have it for the day. I’m famished. Let’s go to Hooters. Oh wait…nothing on that menu I want. We’ll hit the Tratorria. The waiters are so cute they have to be gay. Serve that right up…and I do mean up.”

“Can’t do it sweetie. Not that I’m against gorgeous unavailable men. Have fun.” Click.

The calls continued, luckily Jade was not amongst them.

Rinnnggggggggg!

“This is Wendy.” I answered and was met with silence. Rinnnnnngggggggggggggggggg! Huh? Oh. The door.

I opened the front door to find a pimply faced teen with a pizza box.

“Pizza delivery for Bert.”

Unbelievable. “How much do I owe you?”

“Already paid for on an American Express card. Enjoy Ma’am.”

Pizza. Oh god….Chicago style, pepperoni with extra cheese. Even breathing the aroma causes weight gain. I’d need at least 2 hours of gym time per slice. Did that guy call me Ma’am? What am I, my mother? I deserve this pizza. I have been verbally assaulted!

By the end of the day I was exhausted. I’d also managed to rack up a need for about 6 hours of gym time. I changed into sweats, my red T-shirt that says “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you!” and took off for my atonement at the gym.

I hit the weights and by the 4 th interruption from someone saying “Like that shirt. Does it work?” I’d become a not-so-fun-person to talk to.

“Clearly not!” I responded brattily and took off for the elliptical machine.

I’d worked off about ½ a slice of pizza when the intercom piped through. “Lifetime paging Miss Bert ….sir are you sure about this name?….Miss Bert Cupcake. Miss Bert Cupcake to the front desk please.”

I hit stop on the machine, allowed myself a calming breath, counted to 10 and went downstairs to the front desk.

“Hi Jade.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t thank me for the pizza,” he pouted while ogling a bicep boy walking past.

“I thanked Michael. How did you know I was here?”

“Oh please. You? Eat pizza and not race to the gym? Give me some credit sugar. I’m here to wax your brows. You look hideous and that’s poor PR for me.”

“You’re going to wax my brows at the gym?”

“Well just as soon as I tour the men’s locker room, yes.”

“Jade…”

“Oh alright. Lay down on that bench over there.”

Well I guess it’s not the weirdest thing people have seen at the gym. Fifteen minutes later I took him on a tour of the gym. When we walked into the aerobics studio I got the first look at my brows.

“Jade what did you do to me!?!?” I stepped closer to the mirror and stared. My brows were perfectly shaped but they were dark brown, nearing black.

“I tinted them cupcake. You needed to stand out more. Now you do. Plus now you’ll agree to come in for lowlights for your hair on Friday. You must or you won’t match. Honestly, you look pretty ridiculous.”

“Jade…”

“Well cupcake I’d talk further but I don’t want to violate the order of the shirt. See you Friday at 1:15!” he said with a wink and then picked up his pace to catch up with a beautifully toned man heading out to the parking lot.

Is there a point to this story? Of course. My life is completely out of control. I’d explain further but it’s Friday and I have a hair appointment.

 

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