Warning! Do not read without large quantities of flax.

Warning! Do not read without large quantities of flax.

Can I be frank with you? And does anyone else feel deliciously naughty when they say that? C’mon baybee… I’ll be Frank and you can be (insert whoever gets ya goin).

Ok I’ve completely forgotten what I wanted to be frank about because now I’m all off on a tangent in my mind about unknown men. Who is Frank? Or Pete for that matter…and why is everything for HIS sake? I mean really. 

I always present my goings on with you in story form. But today I shall step out of the mold! (eww) Actually I think I’m supposed to “break” out of it but then that leads to wondering why I would be locked up in it to begin with?

ANYWAYS. (This would be where I would usually pick up the thread but as I reread the above I realize that there isn’t one…) 

Welcome to backwards day! Yes let us go with that. And of course we must go backwards to get to today which is backwards. And such. It was a dark and stormy night…no really, it was, check the weather from last night for Minneapolis. And Wendy hasn’t slept in nearly a week so why not just ready oneself for bed by having coffee at 10 pm? And reading email? (which also felt deliciously naughty because one is not supposed to do such a thing on a dark and stormy night…oh look! That’s a thread from paragraph one! Perhaps we DO have a thread after all!) So. I was responding to my wholesomely good friend about recent goings on. Shall we discuss this in conversational form?

Me: Ok I seem to be losing all my hair and yet I don’t seem to be going bald. But I kid you not…every shower leads to gobs of hair in the drain. 

Her: Are you eating weird again?

Me: No. There hasn’t been a cheezit incident in quite some time and I’m all up on the gobs of protein. Seriously. Gobs.  

Her: Supplements?

Me: Yup. Gobs. Multivitamin? Check! Omega 3’s? Check. Hydroxycut? Check! Olestra? Check. Could that be the cause do you think? 

Her: No. Pringles do not tend to cause baldness.

Me: I haven’t slept in days. Perchance? 

Her: You need flax seed oil STAT. Ummm…”Gobs.” And only foods that are whole. K?

Me: Ok. 

So this led to all sorts of research (I am a total Google whore) and I found the perfect solution.

And just like that we are back to this morning! Which started out backwards! Because I had brownies for breakfast. Yay! Which as you all know is also deliciously naughty. But all in the name of flax seed, yes? And whole wheat? 

So then I showered and realized that I had conditioned my hair and THEN shampooed it. But I am all about living dangerously so I just went with it.

And then writing a blog that none of you will understand. ALSO backwards as I don’t usually write my blogs in the morning. Perhaps I never will again or I will lose even MORE commenters than the whole AWOL experience led to? 

Oh stress. Oh lack of sleep. Oh flax seed oil.

In other conversational news… 

Him: You should consider getting a gun. I can’t believe you don’t already have one. You live alone and soon you’ll be living in the city. You should be able to defend yourself if necessary.

Me: Oh I don’t believe in guns. 

Him: Why?

Me: Well they kill people. And they’re scary. And I could never shoot anyone anyways so they’d end up using it on me. So what’s the point? 

Him: You could probably get one in pink.

Me: Really!?!? Oh I want one! Where?  

In other (to the 2nd? Power of 2?)news: Searching online for pink handguns only leads you to sites about the pink pistols or something which is a group  taking a stand against gay bashing by wielding handguns.

Shouldn’t backwards day start off by going to sleep? 

Never fear! I shall delete this blog when i get home…as that would be the backwards way of posting? And such?

Ok kiddies. To the office. Don’t forget your flax seed oil.

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