Will Work for Shoes!

Will Work for Shoes!

I’ve heard my share of rumors over the last few years at my company. After awhile you simply tune them out with a simple smirk. But a rumor that has refused to go away is that the company might be “reorganizing.” Lately the frequency of the topic has made smirking a thing of the past. I knew we’d entered a smirk free zone when I called in on Thursday for a quote and was told the “powers that be” weren’t available and hadn’t been all day as they’d been *hushed tones* behind closed doors with the guys from the home office.

I was beyond concerned when the boss requested a “talk.”

Me: So what’s this I hear about some changes?
Bossman: Yeah. Well. Errr. I’m afraid that’s the case…
Me: Am I being fired?
Bossman: These things happen and well…
Me: So am I fired?
Bossman: You know this wasn’t a decision out of OUR office.
Me: Am. I. Fired.
Bossman: Well I know you’ll find something right way.
Me: Say it.
Bossman: Yes I’m afraid I have to let you go…
Me: Could someone PLEASE get Donald Trump in here?
Bossman: Glad to hear your sense of humor can still be intact.
Me: ……

Well then.

Ever notice how you can tell the same story to different people but it changes based on who you’re talking to?

Naturally the first thing I did was contact my my friend Lynn online.

Me: I’m gone!
Lynn: OMFG
Me: *dramatic pause with no typing* I’ve never been fired before.
Lynn: Not fired sweetie. Laid off.
Me: I have standards you know. If I’m being fired I want it to be by Donald Trump (note the use of joke recycling here. I’m all about the economy)
Lynn: Well I’m glad you can joke about it.

HWSNBN: So are you jobless?
HWSNBN: You gonna start charging me for sex then?
Me: Yup.

Daddy: Well hello there!
Daddy: ??
Me: I’ve *sob* been *sobsob* and *muffle muffle sniffle* Donald Trump *sobsobsob*
Daddy: Oh honey I’m so sorry. I’ll forward you a list of job sites right away.
Me: *choke* *sob* *squeak*
Daddy: Love you too. You’ll be fine.

Jade: I’m sorry can you repeat that?
Me: Canned. Axed. Pink slipped. Let go. Shown the door. 86’d. Downsized.
Jade: Oh! You’ve been fired!
Me: Who are you, Donald Trump?
Jade: Does this mean we can’t go shoe shopping on Wednesday?

So please people. If I disappear and you see some chick with a hat held out (oh and really great shoes) on the side of the road….please. Be generous. Every little bit helps.


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