I’ve heard my share of rumors over the last few years at my company. After awhile you simply tune them out with a simple smirk. But a rumor that has refused to go away is that the company might be “reorganizing.” Lately the frequency of the topic has made smirking a thing of the past. I knew we’d entered a smirk free zone when I called in on Thursday for a quote and was told the “powers that be” weren’t available and hadn’t been all day as they’d been *hushed tones* behind closed doors with the guys from the home office.
I was beyond concerned when the boss requested a “talk.”
Me: So what’s this I hear about some changes?
Bossman: Yeah. Well. Errr. I’m afraid that’s the case…
Me: Am I being fired?
Bossman: These things happen and well…
Me: So am I fired?
Bossman: You know this wasn’t a decision out of OUR office.
Me: Am. I. Fired.
Bossman: Well I know you’ll find something right way.
Me: Say it.
Bossman: Yes I’m afraid I have to let you go…
Me: Could someone PLEASE get Donald Trump in here?
Bossman: Glad to hear your sense of humor can still be intact.
Ever notice how you can tell the same story to different people but it changes based on who you’re talking to?
Naturally the first thing I did was contact my my friend Lynn online.
Me: I’m gone!
Me: *dramatic pause with no typing* I’ve never been fired before.
Lynn: Not fired sweetie. Laid off.
Me: I have standards you know. If I’m being fired I want it to be by Donald Trump (note the use of joke recycling here. I’m all about the economy)
Lynn: Well I’m glad you can joke about it.
HWSNBN: So are you jobless?
HWSNBN: You gonna start charging me for sex then?
Daddy: Well hello there!
Me: I’ve *sob* been *sobsob* and *muffle muffle sniffle* Donald Trump *sobsobsob*
Daddy: Oh honey I’m so sorry. I’ll forward you a list of job sites right away.
Me: *choke* *sob* *squeak*
Daddy: Love you too. You’ll be fine.
Jade: I’m sorry can you repeat that?
Me: Canned. Axed. Pink slipped. Let go. Shown the door. 86’d. Downsized.
Jade: Oh! You’ve been fired!
Me: Who are you, Donald Trump?
Jade: Does this mean we can’t go shoe shopping on Wednesday?
So please people. If I disappear and you see some chick with a hat held out (oh and really great shoes) on the side of the road….please. Be generous. Every little bit helps.