Ever have one of those days where you wake up and just smile with joy at the fact that morning has arrived because YOU are fabulous and this day is YOURS and you just know that nothing could possibly go wrong and you are oh so beautiful and put together?
Yeah, me neither.
But apparently I have managed to give off a vibe of perfect happiness because I received a message asking me why I am SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME.
After I finished laughing and shouting, “Because it’s Facebook!” at my computer, I decided I’d try to explain.
Let’s start with a completely made-up, fully fictitious, pretend type problem that may or may not happen in someone’s life. Like maybe you had a $40 dollar gift card for DSW that you’ve been holding on to and just as you go to use it you notice it’s expired. Or maybe you haven’t closed as many deals as you would have liked and another one just fell through. Or maybe you were looking at your budget and any chance of something new and cute and summery and strapless is now gone because you’ve been informed that your car needs new brakes. Or maybe all of those things happened on the exact same day and your husband is out of town and therefore unable to fully appreciate all of the different pout variations that you have perfected.
Well. This is certainly not happy making. So now what do you do? Post your woe and misery on Facebook? Would that really help? No. Obviously the correct answer is to make a list. So here you go:
How to be SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME
1. Determine if you are in fact truly defeated. Can the situation be brushed off with a cookie or are we in full-on cake inhalation mode? If it’s the former, carry on with the cookie and perhaps a combination of pout variations #4 and #9. If it’s the latter, or if you are out of cookies at this extremely difficult moment, you should admit defeat and continue on to step 2.
2. Now that the situation has been properly categorized as cake worthy, it’s time to decide what to do about it. You can’t just crawl under the covers every time your extremely cute (and pink) excel spreadsheet calculates that it must be retitled to “Budget of Despair” instead of “Budget.” And to add insult to injury, you’re no longer in your 20s so eating the entire cake isn’t an option anyways. Go ahead and test out a stream of bad words (unless that just makes people laugh at you because you never actually swear so they just think it’s cute). Better? No? Moving on.
3. Consult the Supreme Scale of Suckage. In the grand scheme of things, is your current problem Amazingly Wretchedly Full Up Loathsome (AWFUL)? Or, bless your sweet soul, is it Super Outrageously Beastly & Atrociously Difficult (SO BAD)? Well, then you are surely entitled to your misery. But wait…
4. So many people out there are truly suffering. Isn’t it selfish to be so upset over this pretend problem (that may or may not have also included a broken nail, a puppy potty incident and a burnt dinner)?
5. Allow yourself to test out those swear words again. As if this fictitious day wasn’t bad enough, now you’re dealing with guilt too. Golly.
6. Give in to tears. In fact, give in to tears and pillow punching. The world is being mean to you and you deserve a good cry.
7. Decide that you feel a bit better, and head off to check the damage in the mirror. Collapse into a complete ball of defeat again. Now you’re miserable, AWFUL, SO BAD and look like a total train wreck.
8. Suddenly realize that you are in fact completely justified in being upset. It is, in fact, okay to not be SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME.
9. Recognize that you have just landed an ENORMOUS victory. YOU have determined that you are allowed to be upset. You win! Obviously, this completely trumps your earlier defeat!
10. Stomp off all victorious and have a really great super happy day. After all, it might even annoy someone on Facebook, and that’s kinda happy making too.