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507

I am truly blessed to have not one, but TWO friends who travel to New York for work. When they do I never fail to hint at how lovely it would be to have an official fake purse. Prada…Coach…Gucci…Kate Spade…I’m not picky. My last hinting mission was successful and Shannon deserves to be thanked publicly. She presented me with her fabulous find during a particularly difficult week at work. The moral of the story is to administer fake purses immediately if I look unmotivated. Read on dear friends:

My dearest Shannanna,

It’s cloudy and rainy and I do protest
This work stuff is taking up time from my rest.
The covers look comfy, my cats want me back
To call on a client or just hit the sack?

I beam at the thought that my Shannon would say
Oh crawl right back under, just skip work today.
And that’s when it hit me and made me feel sad
I’m down on my quota and cannot be bad!

So now I feel guilty and sad and depressed
The month end is looming and now I’m all stressed.
Rather than hiding and dreaming I’m wealthy
I’m to get up and take actions all healthy.

I have to get ready and face a whole day
Of calling on clients with nothing to say.
To make matters worse I feel fat and poochy
Then I looked up and I saw my new Gucci!

So now I’m all happy and charged to head off
The girl with the gucci! Oh don’t you dare scoff!
So classy! Successful! A woman of means!
To hell with the suit I can sell them in jeans!

My bag at my side I shall charge through their door
While shouting out slogans and pricing and more!
Today is MY day and with just this last verse
I’m off to attack it while wielding my purse!

525

Yes that’s right, you heard correctly. Single, NEVER married.

When did “single” become such a bad word? Somewhere between 25 and 30 the word took on new meaning. The proudly proclaimed “Yep! Still single!” became a whispered “yes. why yes I am.”

I’ve been busy. I’ve been raising a daughter for the last 18 years. I haven’t had time. Single mama with a mortgage and all that. She had the nerve to grow into the independent woman I raised her to be. Now what? Suddenly I have all this time.

Now I’ve become a project. Older women from church want me to meet their newly divorced sons. Friends want to invite me to dinner parties where lo and behold, there happens to be a man who is also single. Of course he just happens to be sitting by me.

Apparently it’s not hopeless. Taking matters into my own hands and signing up for personals has introduced me to an entire world of men who can’t WAIT to marry me…if I could just please send the proper airfare to Nigeria.

Lest you think me completely impossible I should mention that I have met a few nice men from personals. Unfortunately the first was older than he said he was (hey what’s 10 years?), the second was NOT over his ex and the third was very sweet..but just got out of a long term relationship and who wants to be rebound girl?

I realize you meet people when you stop trying and least expect it. But they just never seem to knock on my door while I’m reading on the couch. I have to put myself out there in some way, right?

Perhaps my calling in life is to be the “single, never married” woman. I could be the new hit series “Sexless in the city.” There has to be a market for that, right? What do you suppose they’d advertise? If it didn’t work out the network could always marry me off…maybe THAT’s how it’ll happen for me…