Sandal season has finally arrived! We’re even forecasted to hit close to 80 way up here in the mountains. For my normal friends, this means a fabulous opportunity to hike, camp, backpack, bike, play on the lakes or simply be outside. But then there are my other friends…
Oh how they go on and on about handicaps, and backswings and bogeys and the angle of approach and bunkers and what not. Please. I may have been naïve back in the day, but I’m onto you golfers now. It’s all code for silly dancing.
My earliest understanding of golf was through my dad. He would announce that he was going to go watch golf, and my mom, brother and I would all say, “Good night!” Golf was code for naptime. I remember tiptoeing into the family room one time and actually watching for a few minutes. That’s all I needed to agree it was nap worthy.
But then a handful of years ago I was down in Florida with Shawn for a customer appreciation gathering through one of our work vendors. We were having a fine time until they announced that the next morning we’d be departing for a day at the golf course. I immediately began to calculate how I could sneak off to a beach instead, but guilt made me decide to play along.
It turned out this wasn’t just any old day of golf. They took us to The Players Championship at Sawgrass just outside of Jacksonville where the PGA headquarters are. Tiger Woods! Phil Mickelson! Rory Sabbatini! Lots of other names that people were all excited about that I’d never heard of! (Hey I knew “Tiger” so give me a little credit.)
I had resolved to spend the day completely bored, but the course was beautiful so I plodded along to witness the golf craze over on the 17th hole. On this particular hole the players had to hit from one side of a pond onto an island thingy. And that is when it got all fun! And I fell in love because of the dance!
See here’s the thing. Just before a golfer is allowed to hit a ball they must do a dance. Seriously. Have you seen this? Do they show that part on TV? They take a few practice whacks at the air and then they carefully approach the golf ball. This is where the dance takes place. They get themselves all lined up just so and then they stomp their feet in a little left right left right dance move. It’s so cute! Every time they did it I got all warm and fuzzy and happy on the inside.
So you line up the ball, you step back, you test the air, you approach, you kneel down and survey the distance, you attack the air with your club, you do the stompy dance, you finally hit the damn ball, and then you stare off into the distance while the crowd either ooooooohs or ahhhhhhs or awwwws (I never knew which I should do, it’s not like you can see the ball after they’ve hit it).
Then, when it’s all said and done the crowd collectively stares at the TV. The PGA people have these mega sized screen TV’s at every hole so that they can list the stats – because not even the players know what happened to that ball they just smacked.
At first I thought the people with a + were winning. It turns out that positive is negative and negative is positive. Silly golfers. So in my head the negatives were doing a happy dance stomp and the positives were doing a mini temper tantrum stomp.
So there you have it. Golf 101 with Wendy. Watching golf = napping. Going golfing = stompy dance with SILENCE (I learned this the hard way) and very serious expressions. Got it?
Be sure to let me know in the comment section if there are any others things I can educate you on. I’m here to help. Happy sandal season friends!